I am going through a country music phase. Reader, Arkansas has not been gentle on my current music obsession...
This ain't no place for the weary kind...
This ain't no place to loose your mind...
This ain't no place to fall behind...
pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try.
--Jeff Bridges, "The Weary Kind"
At least there's some sort of meaning behind my insanity. Behind the car window shatteringly low base tones of the song, I find myself sifting through those words like a madwoman looking for an old family photo album in one of thousands of boxes in her attic. She knows it's there, and until she finds it, it will feel like her sanity is being threatened.
Recently, an absolutely amazing friend of mine let me borrow a book. Now, I will be quite honest, Reader. I usually only read fiction books that involve some girl falling in love with some boy, and then there's some expectedly unexpected conflict, with some cheesy resolution that makes you either smile or cry, or some sappy combination of both. When offered this book, I was immediately hesitant. Captivating is a piece that talks about how the heart works; not just the work itself. I was worried that knowing the mechanics behind why I am the way I am would make me feel more like a minuscule piece of something that could go on perfectly fine without me. Yes, yes, I am selfish, but who wouldn't be a tad bit worried about something like that?
Either way, I decided that I had to go through the first couple of pages, just to say that I gave it a try, and now that I'm a chapter away from the back cover, I cannot believe this is not a required reading in our school systems (Ok, ok, so I'm exaggerating, but still...it's pretty eye-opening).
So my heart is more than a white sheet of paper that keeps getting crumpled and folded and marked on. I mean, 1 Samuel says that "God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart" (16:7), and Psalm 119:11 claims "Your word I have treasured in my heart, that I may not sin against You." Take note of that last one--
Your word I have treasured in my heart that I may not sin against You.
Psalm 119:11
The author does not claim that he's treasuring God's word in his scroll that he keeps on his belt loop. It's not strictly a memorized line from the Scriptures that he says on Sunday mornings. It is treasured in the heart: this piece of ourselves that the Lord has so graciously blessed his people with that He offers to purify and cleanse when we mess it up. Reader, my words are failing me. From what I can tell, (and this is Thus Saith Sara) the heart is the essence of each and every person. Sometimes we hide it from ourselves, because all of the sin that we have allowed to corrupt it gives us more shame than we can bear, and that hidden sin simply causes us to sin more and more because we're not facing what we've done! It's like King David, back in 2 Samuel. He had become callous to his own sin because he did not search his heart, until Nathan finally rebuked him.
So Reader, please do not think that I am sitting on a high-horse right now. In fact, I am listening to a Pandora radio station set to endless country music, sipping on tea that I have only recently acquired a taste for, and worrying about senseless nonsense. No--do not think that I have put myself on a pedestal, because this entire post is actually quite the contrary. I am finally realizing that my faith cannot be a mechanical set of rituals that I follow through with day after day. A demonstration of my love for the Lord is not, and cannot, be a run-down routine that I am not passionately carrying out for the God of the Universe. My heart actually plays a vital role in it all.
All right, so I suppose that's the extent of my writing today. God bless you, and I pray you have a wonderful rest of the week!
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