The End of the Longest June

Last semester, one of the greatest roommates of all time told me that she absolutely had to tell me what she had realized during her "God Time" the day before.  Time slipped away from both of us as she told me all about the story of Esther and how a light bulb went off in her head as she finished the chapter.

I won't summarize it.  The fine details are what make this story so miraculous, in my opinion.  I will let you in on a pretty amazing little fact about the book:  it doesn't mention "God" anywhere, but God's fingerprints are all over the events.  When Melissa (my roommate) had finished giving me her version of the book, she brightened up and  happily stated, "God is just in control of everything!"

Minute details of our lives--intricate fibers of days which felt like they were nothing more than time passing by--are used by the Lord in amazing ways.  As Melissa put it, "Throughout the book, they don't mention God, but he's all over it!  So when I look back at my life, even the times when I didn't see Him, I can finally see how He used those times to bring me where I am now..."

"And we know God makes all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:28

If that doesn't brighten your spirits, I don't know what will.  I keep looking back over the past month (which has not exactly been the best of times) and I see the value in the events that took place.  Every decision made, every argument I was a part of, every tear I might have cried, and every person I spoke to have all played major roles in every change that took place in me, and that's just in the past month.  I've had a grand total of 227 of those, and the Lord carefully placed certain people and things in my life to help me get to where I am.  All of the heartaches, the laughs, the griefs, the smiles--God really did use them for the good.  I'm not saying I'm right where I'm supposed to be, Reader, but none of the positive aspects of my life would be there were it not for the jigsaw pieces of my past being put together by the Lord Almighty.

I know you didn't ask for it, but I'm going to give you one of those tiny puzzle pieces.  When I initially came to college, I was fairly new to the idea of a support system.  In a previous post, I talked about the many steps that led me to the front doors of Second Baptist Church, and how if only one of those events hadn't taken place, there was no guarantee that I would have ever showed up that Sunday morning last September.  Throughout the year, I grew in my faith more than I've ever grown, and a great deal of that growth was due to the immense amount of support and encouragement I found in the people of that church.  Had I not found a more solid foundation in my faith, I'm honestly not too sure how this past month would have ended up.  I can say with the utmost honesty that I highly doubt that I would be able to write this and still be able to smile about pretty much anything.

Let me clarify one simple fact:  I am not a victim of circumstances.  I truly do see the value in everything that took place, and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I am blessed beyond measure in unimaginable ways despite a couple of "oh woe is me" nights.  

I just couldn't keep that one to myself.  God's in control, and thank goodness I'm not.  

On a much more random note, I absolutely love quotes, and I love them even more with a picture in the background, so bear with them, because I feel like they're going to become a pretty regular feature of these posts.

Five Lessons

I asked a saleswoman a rather strange question a couple of weeks back.

"Ma'am, I know this is a weird question, but if you had to give one piece of advice to a person coming up in the world, what would it be?"

Behind her thick-rimmed glasses, I could see her eyeing me, skeptical of the girl who just asked what had obviously not been asked to her before.  When she realized that I was completely serious about my search for her answer, she smiled and politely said, "Know the life you want to live, and take the steps to reach that life."  She leaned in close and added, "So make sure you get an education."  

Luckily for me, life is a pretty good professor.  

1.  You need two showers a day:  one to clean your body, and the other to clean your soul.  

I'm not talking about two legitimate "kill the whales" showers.  I'm talking about taking the time to sit back and think about what you're doing right in this life, and what you're doing wrong, then taking steps to correct those mistakes.  (Romans 8:27)

2.  When you find yourself dragging your feet through a routine, do something different.  
I take a bike ride every morning.  Same distance, same time, same playlist, same route, same undeniable feeling that one more mile on that silly metal contraption will most definitely result in an unfortunate death.  One morning, however, it was raining.  I am not sure what compelled me to do it, but I ditched the bike and took a walk in the rain, and it was just the change I needed.  It seems that I had  forgotten how beautiful the scenery is when you take the time to slow down and appreciate it.  (2 Corinthians 5:17)

3.  Never let an argument become more important than another person.
When we let the desire to "win" an argument become the chief concern, we forget the well being of others.  I'm not saying that you always have to just surrender the victory of a disagreement, but sometimes it's the right thing to do.  (Proverbs 15:4)

4.  Home is more than a place.  
I'm about to sound a little bit crazy, Reader, but I promise the only disease I have is a chronic case of homesickness.  I've been seeing people from my college town in my hometown.  I know it's not really them, but I always have to take a second glance just to make sure.  Whether it's the guy who I always saw at the gym, or last semester's lab partner, or random people from my church up there, they're always in the back of my mind.  I miss them.  I miss home.  (Proverbs 27:8-9)

5.  Remember the good.
There will be friends who walk in and out of your life.  It's your choice whether to remember the silly inside jokes you shared, or to dwell on the fact that things aren't the way they used to be, and I can say from experience that life is much more enjoyable when you can look back on memories and laugh rather than cry.  (Philippians 4:8) 

My Age Doesn't Make Me Superman

Hi, Reader

If you knew how many drafts I've made of this single post, you'd probably advise me see a therapist.  In all sincerity, however, a lot has happened in this past week, and summing it all up feels like I'm not giving justice to the bitter truth of what I've learned.  It's so difficult for me to fully grasp the idea that every single person I meet live a life as complex as I do.  Sure, that's a pretty easy sentence to say, but to honestly sit here and know that every pair of eyes that accidentally stumbles upon these words has cried, laughed, sung, bruised a knee, and just needed a hug seems like such a foreign idea.  I suppose that's why they call it a "self-serving bias."
Regardless, that reality has struck a chord pretty close to home in the past few days.

First off, long story short, a guy that I used to be friends with was in a pretty bad wreck when he was running from the police.  He kind of used to be my best friend, and although we hardly speak anymore, I can say without hesitation that I would not be who I am today were it not for him.  It's hard to believe that he did something like that.  I can't imagine what his family is going through.  I will not go into details (it's not exactly my place) but I will tell you that they have faced a difficult year.

About four days later, I got word of the death of a classmate of mine.  I saw him in the hallways, said "Hi" sometimes, and became pretty familiar with his antics during class.  I'm not saying I was good friends with him, or anything like that, but he was there.  I've walked the same halls he did.  I've driven the same roads he's driven.  I've talked to the same people he's talked to.  I've probably laughed at some of the same teachers as he did.  So what makes me so lucky?  Why do I still have today?

My point is simply this:  the world kept spinning.  It didn't stop.  One mother had to watch as police officers arrested her son, and a group of some of the toughest guys I've ever met have cried over the loss of their friend.  Still, the world didn't flinch.  I've felt the pain of heart-dropping news, and yet despite the sudden lack of a concept of time, the second hand on my watch didn't miss a single tick.  It's at times like that when I find comfort in the fact that Jesus continually reminds us that he is not of this world--this world which will not sympathize, or care.

When Jesus was telling the disciples that he was going to have to leave them (first to be crucified, and then to be taken to Heaven a little later after he was risen), He told them...

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.  John 14:27


How amazing is that.  "Not as the world gives do I give to you."  From my own experience (which may or may not be your own, so interpret this as you wish) the world is a pretty sucky giver.  There have been times in my life in which I can assure you that I was dealt a bad hand, but in the midst of these struggles, the Lord remains one of the only assurances I have.   We all need that solid rock.

Move Along

I cleaned my room today.  That makes me sound like I'm a six-year-old, I know, but that was my major accomplishment today.  When I came back from college, my dorm threw up in my room, and it has been an intimidating feat for the past month or so...in fact, it was so overwhelming, I haven't touched it until today.  (Cue the stunned gasp)

So, as I was fumbling through the little knickknacks, I stumbled upon several things that I suppose you could say I had "hidden" in my room.  Stuffed animals given to me by friends who for one reason or another I no longer talk to were buried under random throw blankets.  A broken glass butterfly that a friend had given me in 4th grade was placed in a box, which was thrown into a basket, and then covered with other pieces of jewelry--I guess I had felt bad about accidentally breaking it.  Probably the most heart-wrenching was a crumbled piece of paper with a poem written on it from an ex-boyfriend, which I had tucked away in the back corner of a cupboard after the breakup years ago.  There were so many tiny little things that I hid away so that I could pretend it wasn't real--like it never really happened.  If I didn't see them, maybe I wouldn't be reminded of their existence.  Erase a couple of memories.  No biggie.  Until you start cleaning them out.

I spent the better half of two hours finding these little material-based memories and reliving what I had tucked away.  Yeah, yeah, now I sound more like a Stephen King novel than a six-year-old, but bear with me:  how many times do we dwell on the past?  I mean, it's toxic!  We hold on like we're sinking in quicksand, and there's the convenient vine right there in arm's reach, pretending to be our saving grace.  It's not until we let go that we realize the quicksand was nothing more than a sandbox.

Thus saith Sara:  God gave us the ability to remember, so that we would not forget the lessons we learn from the experiences we face.  He gave us the ability to learn from those experiences so that we could move on with our lives.  When we let our past define, demoralize, and dictate us (alliteration is underrated), we are placing a box around God, saying, "You're not enough, Lord."  If anything, a past full of regrets and memories we would rather throw away should be shouting, "I'm not enough without You, Lord."

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.  Hebrews 12:1-2

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

Isaiah 43:18-19

I am confident that the same God who was able to completely change the life of Paul--a man with a past full of killing Christians--and who was willing to deliver a land with a track record of turning their back on the Him time and time again, can (and will) do the same in anyone who is willing to turn to Christ.  

So, I now have a box full of memories which will be sold in the next garage sale.  It's not that I want to forget the past, but that I have simply taken from these experiences all that I can, and now it's time to give it up and move along.  

Would You Take My Advice If I Gave It?

This past week has been full of tiny little life lessons wrapped in inconspicuous everyday routines.  Yes, I'll admit, I probably over-analyze everything, but you have to admit there's a bit of truth in some of these.  

1.  If you ever need an ego boost, babysit.  I walked into the kids' house with frizzy hair, a faded old t-shirt, chipped nails, circles under my eyes, and barely any makeup.  Oversleeping does no favors for my appearance in the mornings.  I'm still amazed at the absolute joy that can be brought about two children no older than six.  One of the kids seriously just showered me with compliments the whole day.  "Your hair is sooo pretty!"  "I really like your nails!"  "I just love you!"  All I had to do to hear any of this was show up at their house.  I didn't buy them a gift, or make them an extravagant lunch, or take them to a theme park.  I just showed up, and that was enough.  (Luke 18:15-17)

2.  Sometimes, you have to let go of a good thing so that something better can bloom.  I love hibiscus flowers, but I've only recently gotten into actually trying to keep flowers around the house alive.  My mom and I planted some about a week ago, and when I went out the other day, I noticed that some of the beautiful blooms on them had withered.  Initially, I was so frustrated that I could not keep this silly plant alive, but my mom simply pulled the faded flower off of its stem.  What was she thinking!?  Surely there was a way to revive the flower!  When she saw my expression, she was quick to explain, "That's how they live.  The flower blooms, shrivels, falls, and then a new one grows."  (Philippians 3:12-14) 

3.  Listen to people.  They need it as much as you do.  My grandfather had a doctor's appointment in Little Rock the other day, and neither he nor my grandmother are extremely safe drivers anymore.  Now, I've had a fender-bender (or two...) and my fair share of close calls, but for some reason, my family decided that I should be the designated driver.  I can't say I was extremely optimistic about the two-hour drive, but almost immediately, my grandmother began chatting away.  She told me about the hardships of her life and the joys that came with it.  One in particular was the fall of her first marriage.  She had married young, and after her son was born with CP, her husband cheated, became an alcoholic, and divorced her.  A few years (and a couple of tears) later, she met a man named Jim, and she had "a good twenty years with him, before he died."  About six years ago, she married my grandfather, who goes with her to visit her son in the nursing home almost daily.  She doesn't get to tell her story to very many people, but here she was, opening up to an eighteen-year-old step-granddaughter.  It's definitely a humbling realization.  (Galations 6:2)

4.  A smile is a glorious thing.  Ever have one of those downright crappy days?  And then you smile at someone?  And they smile back (because smiles are contagious, you know)?  And that makes you smile a real smile, because the contagiousness of your smile hit them, and bounced right back to you?  And then you actually feel like there is a single sliver of hope that maybe your life isn't near a bad as it had been only a few moments before that smile?  Yeah, it's kind of like that.  =]   (Proverbs 15:13)

5.  Never underestimate the power of a kind word.  Your mother said it, your grandmother said it, even your great aunt said it.  Now, I'm saying it.  Be nice.  I had a drink with a friend after church (don't worry; it was a sweet tea).  We got on the subject of how others influence us, and one of the things he told me was that the daily "Hi!  How are you?" that he received in high school was what kept him going through his parents' divorce.  That simple interaction made all the difference.  (Proverbs 15:1)

Have a blessed day!

Is It Bad That I Can't Come Up With A Title?

Thank goodness for good friends and comfort food.  At the beginning of the summer, a couple of friends from high school (Joshua and Laney) and I stumbled upon the topic of our faith, and the worries we had about leaving our college-town churches to return back to our hometown for the next three months.  It was a pretty big step for all of us to leave the comfort of the churches we had all become accustomed to here and find new ones at school, but I can definitely attest to the fact that the time I've spent in Conway has both challenged and strengthened my walk with Christ.  My first year in college has proven to be totally and completely different from my life back here, and to go into detail would require a novel (which, judging by my newfound lack of word conservation, just might be possible).

Anyhoo, one night, we all met up at our high school football field.  Walking around the track, we began talking about the churches and bible studies we had been parts of in college, and it became pretty clear that a necessary part of our lives was that fellowship with other believers--not a mandatory and regulated gathering of others, but a voluntary and driven time devoted to getting a deeper understanding of the wonders of God.  So, we decided to have our own.  I can say without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord blessed me with these two amazing people.

You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you how many times we had to take this picture!

On the track that night, we decided to read David Platt's Radical.  

A Bible study?  Good.  A Bible study with S'more cookie bars?  Even better.  =]

A specific paragraph in Radical kept echoing in my mind throughout the week: 

"'Wake up.'  Wake up and realize that there are infinitely more important things in your life than football and a 401(k).  Wake up and realize there are real battles to be fought, so different from the superficial meaningless "battles" you focus on.  Wake up to the countless multitudes who are currently destined for a Christless eternity."

Perhaps everyone who knows me will be willing to tell you that I am a klutz, and the last time I decided it would be a good idea to do some yard work, I was reminded of my horrid inability to avoid hurting myself.  When trying to dig up a tree, I drove a shovel right into my toe.  I have no luck with aim, apparently.  For at least the next seventy-two seconds, my toe was the most important thing in my world.  I have to wonder how often I let other little things in my life become the big "battles" I face, simply because they're all I focus on.  

I have wrestled with the monster that is my wardrobe.  I've run from the difficulties of a GPA.  I've been involved in a warfare of sorts with the inability to get into a silly chemistry class.  In the grand scheme of things, what does it matter?  When I stand before God, will He seriously look at me and say, "That GPA was definitely more important than reaching out to others."  Don't get me wrong--I don't think good grades are the enemy, but letting my perspective be twisted and manipulated into a false reality that tells me my little problems are actually huge crises is not doing me or the rest of the world any justice.  

Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.” But as it is, you boast in your arrogance; all such boasting is evil. Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin.

James 4:14-17

I Stand Amazed

I was spontaneous.  I'm hardly ever spontaneous, but this time, I was.  Last year, I discovered that I have a love for driving around until I'm lost and then finding my way back again.  On one of these little adventures, I found a river down a winding gravel road back in the country.  I'm not sure what compelled me to continue driving (especially when I saw the "Dangerous Bridge" sign), but I was not deterred.  I finally came around a narrow curve which led me to a huge clearing, and there it was:  a river.  

So, spontaneity replaced my sanity and I took a trip to the river yesterday.  

 I wish a camera could compare to the just how glorious this view is, but I suppose if that were the case, then there would be no point in physically going somewhere to experience it--which I highly recommend.

I was alone at the river.  Don't misinterpret that, Reader--the solitude didn't bother me.  Actually, I was pretty thankful for it.  How often do we really escape all of the rush of the day and just stand amazed in the gift of the present moment?  How often do we put aside the products of the past and the worries of the future and really absorb the miracle that is a single second of life?  

Often, it's easy to praise God for the big things.  It's easy to witness the healing of a cancer patient and know that God is great.  It's easy to take a hike and be taken aback by all of the beauty of His creation.  It's difficult, sometimes, to give credit where credit is due in the smaller areas of our lives, but then I think back to Elijah in 1 Kings.  He was running for his life, because after Jezebel threatened to kill him for killing all of the prophets of a false god.  He ended up in the wilderness, praying that God would take his life.  Elijah felt scared, and alone, and after an angel gave him food and water, he went to a cave, where God told him to go climb a mountain.  On this mountain, Elijah faced a forceful wind, a great earthquake, and an intense fire, but the Lord was not in any of these.  Instead, the presence of the Lord came not in an incredible sight, but in a gentle whisper (1 Kings 19).

Yes, God is mighty, powerful, and amazing, but He is also a caring God.  He gives us what we need--not just what we want.  Now this is Thus Saith Sara:  I think Elijah needed something comparable to a "hug."  He was terrified for his life, exhausted after running for about 40 days without food or water, and I can only imagine how lonely I would feel after being my own company for that long.  So instead of using a powerful roar to talk to Elijah, God showed Himself in a whisper--a gentle reminder that He cared, and that was enough.  

Sorry for how long-winded I've been in these posts lately, but I just couldn't keep that last part to myself.  I'm still in awe at all of the whispers in my own life.  Whether that whisper comes in the form of a firefly, or the peace of a drive to nowhere, I simply want to continue listening for them.  

I realized something else kind of spectacular today.  Summer is amazing.  It provides the perfect opportunity for us to get a nice dose of Vitamin D, gives us an excuse to drink sweet tea in abnormally great quantities, and it brings out some of the most remarkable flowers.

Hibiscus are one of my favorites!

Have an amazing day!

If Words Could Describe It

It comes and goes in waves--that feeling of "eugh...can today just end already?"  In the midst of one of those silly little waves, last night, I was staring out of the dining room window.  It was a dark, depressing view, and it went perfect with the bitter brew of tea I was sipping on.  Bleak, I know.  As I thought about all of the less-than-glorious things going on, I saw a single flash through the glass.  A neon spark that cut through the night.  There and gone again.  As I glared through the window, searching out what the spark was, it lit up again, for only a moment.  Few things in this world can make nostalgia wash over you like a single firefly.  For the next little bit, I simply waited for the periodic flash of the little bug, and the wave kindly slipped away.  No matter how many times the firefly's spark went out, it was sure to come back again and shine like a tiny beacon.  As a little girl, I remember catching them and keeping them in my room at night, never forgetting to let them go again in the morning.  For any PETA lovers out there, don't worry.  I did not catch this one.  Instead, I smiled, knowing that if God could keep His eye on this tiny creature, then I was surely not exempt.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again, I will say REJOICE!

Philippians 4:4

That's a sweet little verse.  Paul has a way of stepping on your toes sometimes, but he seems to incorporate a perfect mix of toe-stomping and hope in these words.  "Rejoice in the Lord"...  Yeah, that makes sense.  All right, next lesson.  Did you notice, though, that Paul doesn't let the readers of this letter off the hook that easy?    "...always."  Don't you just sorta kinda think that maybe the original recipient of this letter sighed a little "yeah right" as soon as he read that word?  "always"  It's a hard pill to swallow, and Paul knew it.  Why else would he have felt the need to go back over the concept?  "Again, I will say rejoice!"  

Reader, I will readily assure you that I have questioned a great big HOW to this verse several times in my life.  I suppose this is where Girls' Camp paid off.  There was a cute little song that we sang one year, with a catchy little tune that has been stuck in my head for the past couple of hours (For a good book recommendation, I'll sing it for you sometime).  The chorus went:

Well, the fruit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self controoollll!!!  

Love joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-controlllll....

Sound familiar?  Galatians 5:22-23.  So all of these qualities are the fruit of the Spirit--the gift from God to His children, providing us with his constant presence and guidance.  That is how we rejoice.  

Happiness?  It's temporary.  Joy?  Now, that's here to stay.  The Holy Spirit doesn't flee from us in difficult times, and it is in this knowledge that we have confidence in the God of our salvation.  

I have stared out of that window for a great portion of today (productivity?  I think not).  I wasn't looking in to a dark abyss, but an absolutely beautiful Wednesday.  Don't get me wrong--I've felt those waves come and go today.  They are not waves of anger, or resentment, or rage, but waves of discomfort, like standing at a fork in the road and not knowing where to turn.  But as surely as the waves come, they pass, and in that hope, I find joy.  In the simplicity of a conversation with good friends, I find joy.  In the warmth of a good cup of coffee, I find joy.  In the unconditional love of a little sister, I find joy.  And it's with this endless flow of joy that all of us can rejoice.