Sinking Sand

I have been faced with a very harsh reality.  I got a text the other day, telling me to have a passage of Scripture and what God is doing in my life, and to be prepared to share that at worship.  I will not lie--my heart dropped a little when I read that.  It was more than merely the fear of speaking in front of a group of college students.  No, the real terror came from realizing that I didn't actually know what God had been doing.   Over the past several months, I feel as though my life has been shattered (dramatic much?).  Things I once thought to be firm and steady are now showing themselves to be nothing more than vapors in the wind.  Friendships I once thought were indestructible have proven to be facades.  Relationships among others have turned out to be secrets of  magic tricks--one fine illusion, I must say.
I feel as though I cannot even trust my own thoughts anymore, being so tainted with these falsities.  It is as though everything around me is crumbling, and all I want to do is find solid ground.  So what on earth has God been doing in my life?  To be honest, I was almost angry at the fact that there was no grand neon light sign beaming through the hazy night, proclaiming, "THIS is the work of the Lord!!"  What could the Lord possibly be doing in my mess of a life right now?

I did the only thing I know to do when I can't see a clear answer; I went for a drive.
WARNING!
All right, so I am about to sound extremely dramatic.  Some might even think I'm auditioning for a Lifetime movie.  Either way, I'm taking advantage of my annoying teenager-worthy moment.

It seemed as though every twist and turn of every street I drove sent a new flood of thoughts over me.  I began to think of all of the people who have walked out of my life over the past few months, and all of the apologies I've felt obligated to deliver.  I remembered the pain in the voice of a friend telling me that she was so unhappy in her marriage--a marriage that I once believed would last a lifetime.  Thoughts of my family and of the problems that have existed for decades that I have only recently begun to see for myself engulfed my mind.  All of the things I once held on to as constants in my life have all been sinking sand, and here I am feeling completely uprooted.

So I think I have gotten all of the dramatic stuff taken care of.  Thanks for hanging in there.

A song that has been drilled into my brain all of my childhood ran over my mind, and try as I might, I could not get it out of my head.  The chorus ends with, "On Christ the solid rock, I stand; all other ground is sinking sand..."  It hit me like a sack of bricks (which is ever-so-slightly dangerous when you're driving, I should say).  I have been doing everything I could to hold on to the things of this world--trying to call them constant when it has been told to me several times throughout my life that resting on anything but the Savior will ultimately lead to disappointment.

I feel that it is necessary that I clarify one teensy little detail.  I am not saying that it is not good to ask others for help, nor am I saying that it is a bad thing if you call a friend when something unfortunate happens.    I mean, even Galations 6:2 says that we should "Carry one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ."
What I'm saying is that our anchors cannot be our friends.  It cannot be our families, or a relationship, or a material possession.  If you want to be rooted to something that isn't going to fail you, it's got to be the Lord.     All other ground is sinking sand.
So that's what God has been doing in my life.  He has been showing me His ever-present glory.

"Therefore thus says the Lord GOD, "Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone, a tested stone, A costly cornerstone for the foundation, firmly placed. He who believes in it will not be disturbed."  Isaiah 28:16

Glory Glory Hallelujah

Do you know that feeling the morning after something slightly major happens?  How for a few seconds, the blissful forgetfulness of sleep lingers over your mind, and all that is wrong in your life just doesn't exist...  It's like the greatest challenge of your existence is simply whether or not to press the snooze button.  For a few seconds, you're able to dwell in the joy of simply being alive--of knowing that the night didn't take you away.  Those, I believe, are some of the most precious seconds known to humankind, and I am ashamed of how often I miss them.  I am ashamed of how often I take those seconds for granted, because as soon as they pass, the whole world seems to take on a new meaning.  Life stops being simple, and turns into a series of questions and condemnations, fears and tears, worries and surrendering.

I do apologize for the bleak tone, but I have a concern that has been lingering over my head for the past several weeks.  What do you do when everything falls apart?  

Nitty gritty details?  I don't think so.  I'll give you this much:  being two hours away from a family that is constantly spiraling is terrifying.  Knowing that someone you care about is about to walk out of your life is excruciating.  Watching nearly every decision you make hurt someone around you is utterly tragic.  So what do you do?

A few weeks ago, I took a drive up to Mt. Nebo with a friend after a football game.  We stopped at one of the pull-offs and walked over to one of the benches overlooking the city to our left, and a vast horizon to our right.  A chill went straight up my spine and froze the blood in my veins.  It wasn't simply a chill from the cold night air (which was penetrating my jacket despite my attempts to keep warm).  No, this chill came from a realization that I have been missing for a very long time.  When I stood on this cliff and looked down over the hazy lights of the city and the soft fog surrounding the land below, I couldn't help but feel as though everything else going on in my life had vanished compared to this view--and it wasn't the view that I was comparing these problems to, it was The LORD.  This was more than simply a comforting "the LORD will take care of this" kind of moment, but rather "The LORD is more than this."

To whom would you liken Me and make Me equal and compare Me, that we would be alike?    Isaiah 46:5

 I am so humbled to be confident in the glory of The Father.
 I'm not saying that the things in life that burden us don't matter.  I'm also not saying that I've figured out exactly what to do when everything feels like it's falling apart, but I am saying that when you put things in perspective, even the most terrible of circumstances pales in comparison to the majesty of God, and that makes Him just that much more glorious.

View from the interstate on my way home this Sunday

Have a blessed day!

A Little Football Wisdom

My mother is passionate about the Razorbacks.  On any other day, she is a very calm woman, who enjoys all things peaceful.  On a Saturday when the Hogs are playing, however, she becomes a vicious fan with the sole intent of cheering on the team with a vibrancy that can only be described as intimidating.  (Seriously--she ran around in circles once when the Hogs made a touchdown).  As well as being a die-hard Razorback fan, my mother is also determined to save a buck any chance she gets, so when last Saturday's game was available only on pay-per-view, it was decided that we would be making a car trip during the six o'clock kick-off, listening to whatever radio station was broadcasting the game.

Now, don't get me wrong--I'm not exactly sports-savvy.  I'll watch a game if I'm prompted to, but not without a reason.  I'd be just as happy sipping on coffee and chit chatting.  I digress...  I was sort of zoning out.  The announcers started using words that went far beyond my level of intelligence.  Words like "blitz," "chop block," and "three-point stance" just don't quite register with me.  Regardless, in the midst of one of these zone-in moments, I heard the name De'Anthony Curtis.  This is a guy with roots pretty close to my own hometown, and the fact that his name was being mentioned over the radio for a Razorback football game was pretty much legendary.

"Yeah, and I'll tell ya, Jim, I would like to explain why I like De'Anthony Curtis's running style; he keeps his shoulders down and he bends forward, so that even when the guys are dragging him down, he's still moving forward."

I loved that.  I still do.  Even when he's being dragged down, he's still moving forward.

In true Sara-fashion, here's the life application.  Cheesy?  Yes.  Ever-so-slightly true?  You bet.
Situations will drain you.  People will hurt you.  Stuff drags you down.  So be vigilant.  Keep moving forward.  In Curtis's running, he is prepared for the tackle.  He knows it's coming, and so he makes sure that his stride ensures that the fall won't be in vain.  He makes it count.

Have an awesome Labor Day!

Hello Campus

I know I'm home because I have strung the Christmas lights in my dorm room.

Finally, I'm back at school, ready to start another year.  It's strange--looking back, I mean.  Barely a year ago, I was beginning my Freshman year.  It feels like I was a different person back then.  I don't say that in a bad way, but rather, I grew into my own person.  I guess time away from your hometown, your comfort zones, and small-town reputation will do that to you.
And here I am again.  I know, I know...  yaddah yaddah yaddah.
I will let you in on a little secret, though.  (Well, I suppose it's not exactly a well kept secret if I'm about to post in on the easily-accessible-to-anyone internet)  Oh well.  Here it goes:  I'm struggling.

I just have some big decisions to make, and I'm not entirely what God's plan is.  The church I'm going to is amazing.  The people are loving, and I know how desperate I am to have that fellowship.  I also know that several of the people who went there last year have left, and it's difficult to fathom so great a change.  I'm confident that the Lord will guide me through it, but looking ahead when all I see are empty seats in a sanctuary is intimidating.
I talked to my roommate about it last night, and I am so encouraged by her wisdom!  She said, "Sara, this is between you and God.  You can't let the people who aren't there anymore be what pulls you away.  People get called in and out of the ministry all the time, and as Christians, we have to be OK with that."  I'm so blessed to live with her.

My roommate, Melissa, is so creative!

 4 Delight yourself in the LORD ; And He will give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He will do it. 6 He will bring forth your righteousness as the light And your judgment as the noonday. 7 Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes.   

Psalm 37:4-7

As I read this passage, I cannot help but feel an immense wave of peace wash over me.  When I first skimmed it, I won't lie--I was a tad bit confused.  "Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart."  What?  Start over.  How am I supposed to delight in the Lord?  And what if my desires aren't what He wants for me to have?  I mulled over this for a while and a book I've been reading began discussing this very concept.

Delight means to enjoy.  Delight means to long to be near the object of one's delight.  Delight means to be consumed with the life of another...I realized what the Lord wanted of me when He said, "Delight yourself in the Lord."  Jesus Wants my affection.  Jesus wants me to enjoy His presence.  Jesus desires my heart to be captivated with His glory and beauty. (Wilderness Skills for Women)

So shouldn't it only follow that when we delight in the Lord--when we are consumed with the life of Jesus-- that His desires become our own?

It really is a heart issue, and that's something I've really been convicted of lately.  I'm still amazed at how the Lord is using so many things in my life to show me this.  He is so good!

Regardless of where you are, or how your day is going, I hope and pray that you will find yourself delighting in the glory of God.  It's the best place to find rest.

A Little Summer Sentiment

I've only participated in Show and Tell once in my life.  In 4th grade, I brought a bullet to school to show all of the class what is shot out of a military airplane, whose name is really just a series of letters and numbers, if I remember correctly.  This time, I'm showing summer.  

The colors of the sky in the evening will never cease to amaze me.

This has got to be one of my favorite parts of Sunday!

I love watching trains go by.  It's kind of ridiculous...

I suppose I hit a creative streak this week.  I just hope the seven years of bad luck don't hit too hard.

Bittersweet, but I'm so ready to go back to school!

50 cent teacup I found at a garage sale last week.  Joy!

Lilly pads at the river--so beautiful!

This summer is one I won't soon forget.  I've met some amazing people, and grown close to some I've known for years.  Despite the sorrow of saying goodbye, I cannot help but know that all that I've been taught this summer was no accident.  I can feel God working through the people I've met and the experiences I've faced, and it makes me so excited to see what else is in store.  =]

How Could You Be So Heartless?

My grandfather is dying.  Depressing way to begin a post, I know, but that's all that keeps running through my mind.   At the Hospice center, where I volunteer, I asked one of the employees what the requirements to be put on Hospice included  "Well," she started, "a patient has to be diagnosed of a terminal illness--one that a doctor is willing to sign off as cutting the life expectancy to the next six months."  She then went on to explain that though that is the case most of the time, they have had patients live years, even on Hospice.  The doctor just resigns at the end of the six month period, claiming that from his or her best medical opinion, the patient's disease will be fatal within the next six months.  Well, if that doesn't just warm your heart, I don't know what will.  (a little sarcasm doesn't hurt every now and then, right?)

As soon as I left the center, I visited my grandfather in the nursing home.  He was watching cartoons when I walked in, but as soon as he saw me, he gestured to the one and only chair in the room.  He smiled, and told me that he liked cartoons, and I couldn't help but smile back.  My dad looks like him.  Same haircut, same word choice, same mannerisms, same way their eyebrows dip over their eyes when they're in deep concentration...

We continued to talk about little things, like how my sister texts (literally) from the time she wakes up until she goes to sleep, and what a text even is, and how he used to paint, and the different churches we've gone to.  Then, he talked about a chaplain who came to talk to him.  A chaplain from the Hospice center.  I beat around the question for a little bit, but I knew I was going to ask, eventually.  "What did he say?" He gave me his card, to call if something goes wrong.  "Is he going to come back?"  Yeah, he said he would come back once a week.  "For how long?"  I don't know.  
I finally asked.  Oh, how it hurt to voice the question, but I asked.  "Pa?  Are you on Hospice?"  Yeah.  I'm usually all right with awkward silences.  In fact, I often accidentally bring them on myself, but this one time in my life, the silence that followed his answer pressed down on my shoulders like bags of bricks.
So, I did what any not-quite-normal girl who is not sure where to turn the conversation from there would do.  I asked another question.
"Pa, if you could give me one piece of advice, about anything at all, what would it be?"
He pondered for a little bit, letting his eyebrows crease over his eyes and wrinkling his forehead.  Finally, he looked at me, and placed his hand on his chest.  "Always follow your heart."  When he first said that, I won't lie--I was a bit disappointed.  I mean, Disney used that line in practically every one of his movies!  Then, however, my grandfather added, "If it feels right, and you don't have a single question or doubt, then go for it.  But, if you question it, or doubt it, don't."  


I thought about that the whole drive home.  I began mulling over the decisions I've made with a doubt attached to one end of it, and how different my life would be had I chosen not to act.  I thought about how deceiving the heart can be, and how sometimes we have to make half-hearted decisions...
But then I thought about all of the times that I didn't have a doubt.  The times when something truly did feel right.  The times when I wasn't confusing my mind with my heart.  And then it kind of hit me:  we've got to keep our heads and our hearts separate.  I mean, when it all comes right down to it, where our treasures are, our hearts will be also (Matthew 6:21).  But we have to constantly guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23), lest we follow and treasure things that stand no ground compared to the Lord.


I'm a pretty logical thinker (at least, I like to think I am), and so I definitely see the value in looking at a problem objectively, but when you apply your heart to a matter, and seriously dive into an issue with all that you've got, then the outcome has to be better than had you looked only from the logical perspective.
I think I hit a tangent...  Regardless, I hope that maybe there was some sort of teensy little bit of wisdom somewhere in this post.  Maybe Disney had it right.

I'll Gladly Be Clay

It feels almost wrong to be sitting in my room.  I have the soundtrack of a movie playing, with Christmas lights lining my window (I have a mild obsession with those...), an air conditioner, sheets free of the dust of the day, and I am not surrounded by nine girls, anxious to know what the next day at camp has in store for them.  

I just spent a phenomenal few days at church camp as a counselor, and I have to admit that the last day felt almost more bitter than sweet.  Saying goodbye to some of those kids is just so sad sometimes.  One little girl even came up to me crying, telling me that she didn't want to wait another year before she saw me again.  Now, I'm not normally one to cry over those kinds of things, but that little girl got to me.  I mean, there's just something about knowing that the girls had trusted me the way they did that makes me almost worried about not living up to their expectations.  I mean, I was the one that they came to when they scraped their knees, lost a shoe, got their feelings hurt, or just had a story that they wanted desperately to tell.  I am still in awe--not only of the growth that I saw in the lives of the girls, but of the things I was taught while there.

We are the clay.  That's how Jeremiah 18:6 puts it anyway:

"O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter has done? declares the LORD. Behold, like the clay in the potter’s hand, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel."

Clay, bluntly put, is mud.  I won't lie--when I first read this passage, I didn't exactly get all joyful.  It kind of hurts to be called mud.  I mean, who wants to be called wet dirt?
Then I talked to another counselor from the camp.  He said, "It's amazing to me, because he tells us that we are in His hand.  Like, no matter what, we're there, and He has total control over the situation."
With a new view, the verse reads so much more than a derogatory statement towards humankind.   God is telling Israel (a nation who turned from Him several times) that He will still care for them, as long as they will remain clay.

The clay has to remain moist for the potter to mold it.  It has to remain saturated.  In the same way, in order for the Lord to mold us, we have to remain saturated in Him.  With worship, fellowship, prayer, and vigilant studying of the Word.  It's got to be more than just a one time dose, though--we have to remain in His light.
The clay analogy goes even a little further.  The potter sometimes has to tear the clay and then place the two pieces back together in order to shape it how He wants it shaped.  It might hurt, but He doesn't leave the clay as divided lumps of mush.  He continues to take care of us.  God doesn't promise that it will be easy, but He promises that He will be there.  He draws the same picture when Jesus discusses the vine and the branches:

"I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. ² Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit.³ You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you."

John 15:1-3

When allow Him to be the Potter, we allow Him to be in control.  Being the clay doesn't sound quite so bad anymore.  

I've Got Sunshine

I feel like it's been ages since I last posted anything.  Life came fast, I guess.  These last few weeks have been so amazing.  Long walks in the park, several daily cups of coffee (such a vice...), exploration with new music, and good times with new friends--I'm so beyond blessed.

I decided to get out of my comfort zone recently, and, true to my nature, I made sure to learn a few lessons.

1.  Hand holding is a simple joy.  Indulge when you can.
It's simple, innocent, and can invoke preteen-worthy giddiness in even the most reserved individual.  Even if you know it will never evolve into anything; even if it's not the person you've held hands with in the past; even if [insert whatever reason you wish], it's still nice to just know that for a few moments of your life someone else wanted to be closer than an inch away from you.  All right, enough cheesiness.

2.  Take your time.
I asked a friend for some of the best advice he could give me.  He thought for a second and calmly stated, "Take your time.  In everything."  Yeah, time is a precious thing, and it's for that very reason that we should take care to make sure we're using it to do something worthwhile.

3.  Encourage others.
Being nice to folks is one thing; taking an extra step and giving them a reason to love themselves is another.  We need it.  Every last one of us.  We all need some sense of pride (not a heavy dose, but enough to counter the daily bout of low self-esteem).  So tell someone that they've done something good.  Let them know that they're a blessing.  Show someone how much they've changed your life.  I promise, it's well worth it.

4.  Help when you can.
Summer, according to my sister, is the time to get out of school and embrace at least three months of "me time."  (Oh, how I love her!)  And while I will definitely agree that there is a time and place for a person to take a step out of his or her daily life and take time for his or herself, at some point, we've got to deny our selfish intentions and do something for someone else.  Whether it's volunteering, or a random act of kindness, it's vital.

5.  Don't deceive yourself.  
As a child, I had an imagination that could have put the Rugrats (please tell me you remember that show!) to shame.  Even now, I find myself making up elaborate stories about how my life may turn out, but there are some of these stories that I struggle to fight off.  I want things to be better than they really are, and so I turn a blind eye to all of the flaws of a situation.  This, however, will set anyone up for failure.  Take things for face value.  If you meet someone, enjoy their company, but don't convince yourself that there is a connection there when there really isn't.  When you reflect on who you are, don't think of yourself as any better than you really are.

6.  Don't you dare set your future in stone.  
You want to be married?  That's great!  You want a couple of youngsters?  Awesome!  You aspire to have one particular job?  Nice!  Aspirations and hopes are always good.  Life, however, seems to be a tiny bit different from what we plan.  Yes, plans are good in certain areas, but when you tie yourself down to a specific idea, and refuse to venture from that path, you are practically looking at God and saying, "Yeah...Lord, I understand that You're mighty and all, and that you pretty much have everything worked out, but I think that this particular thing right here is what I should really be going after, and consulting You about it is not exactly in my agenda.  Instead, I think it would be best if You conformed to Your plan for my life to match my idea.  K Thanks. Bye."  I'm not typing this as an attack on anyone reading this, but as a piece of wisdom that I've been hit hard with recently.  

Trust me, there are several more things that I could write, but I think six will suffice for today.  Enjoy the day, praise God for your blessings, and try something new if you get the chance.

The Dog Days

I think I have a new favorite season.  Though the greater-than-100-degree heat is a bit rough at times, I cannot deny the absolute bliss that comes with feeling sunlight on my skin and the sweet taste of a ripe watermelon.  Now, I am not under the impression that I am the most interesting person on earth, but I can say without a doubt that I wouldn't trade my life for anything.  For a lack of better phrasing for the joy of the last few weeks, I took pictures.

[There is something absolutely glorious about a night of fireworks]

[I finally got to try my hand at a Chinese tea egg!]

[I've actually been working on this for a while, but I finally finished]

[Oreo Cake Balls made with my absolutely beautiful sister, Kelsey]

[New dog, Repo, and my dad]

[Explore-driving leads to some of the absolute most beautiful scenery I've ever witnessed]

God is so good.  

Time To Go

Leave it to a garage sale's cleaning to find a blog post idea

Time is like one of those double edged swords.  On one hand, it's the doctor with the only cure.  It smooths over what we mess up, and it eases the ache of whatever wound has been inflicted.  On the other hand, it changes people.  It twists and skews our views and makes the greatest days of your life become distant and blurred memories.  Time picks no favorites, and no one is immune.

A friend of mine from high school ran away to another state with her boyfriend this past week.  Had you known her a few years back, you never would have guessed that this would happen.  Without warning, after she came home from college, she packed up one night while her mom was getting her hair done, and when she got home, my friend had all of her belongings in boxes, with her boyfriend waiting with a U-Haul across the street.  We still don't know where my friend went.  All I know is she's gone.

Hold that thought.

I visited my grandfather in the nursing home today.  Reader, there's a teensy bit of history you should know before I keep typing:  my grandfather has had nearly nothing to do with me for the vast majority of my life.  It doesn't bother me anymore, and I no longer resent him for it.  If there's one thing I've learned in my short life it's that we are not victims of circumstances, and to act as though we are makes us victims of ourselves.  Last summer, after he suffered an aneurysm and a stroke, he was placed in a nursing home, where I finally realized that it was my choice whether to be a part of his life or not.  Refusal was not an option.    I saw him more last summer than ever before in my life, and I can say without a doubt that it was one of the best parts of the season.  When I left for college, however, despite promises to visit whenever I got the chance, seeing my grandfather fell lower and lower on my list of priorities.  Luckily for me, he seemed to be pretty forgiving of my absence when I walked in his room today.

When I did see him as a child, he was always a fairly stern man, and the stories my dad has told me did him no favors in the likability department.  Regardless, when I walked in his room today, he was asleep.  After he stirred, I asked if he minded if I visited with him for a few minutes, and almost immediately, he brightened up and nodded.  Within a quarter of an hour, he was crying.  Don't think that I made him cry, Reader, because I can readily assure you that the only thing I did was ask him a question about his life.  Whatever the question was, it made him remember something, and some memory caused him to be so overcome with emotions that he cried.  It was such a change from the hard man I met so many years ago, and what surprised me even more was that it broke my heart to see him so hurt.  Not too long ago, I would have paid to see him suffer (I do not say that with pride, but honesty).  Now, I wanted nothing more than to make him smile.

Here we were--two people who had changed due to nothing more than time and the circumstances brought with it--each with scars of years past and pictures to say it happened.  Time allowed my grandfather to be put in a nursing home, and time allowed my friend to run off to some unknown place.

We can't escape the ticking seconds which engulf us.  Time changes us.  Time changes our world.  Time changes our perspectives, our ideas, our goals, our aspirations, our passions.  It does not dictate what these changes may ensue.  That part is up to us.
Reader, will you let the changes be for the good?  Will you allow the changes to make a difference?  We can't always control what happens to us, and that's all right.  We're not supposed to.  We can control how we react to our circumstances, and what comes of them.

Five Signs of Hope

Hello, July.  It's been far too long.

So, Reader, I'm not sure if you even give credit to these little life lessons, but here they are--my five for the week:

1.  Do what makes you happy, but know your limits.
Yeah, that's right.  So if cooking is your thing, do it!  But when you end up baking five dozen cookies, steaming more veggies than your family could ever shovel down, and realizing that you just stuck the past seven hours of your life in the oven, then it may be time for you to take a step back from the stove and try to think of the last time you sent a text, or received a call, or were acknowledged for existing... (Proverbs 25:27)


2.  You can't make everyone happy.  
It's simply not going to happen.  Now, I'm not advising anyone to go out and cast the cares of others to the wind, but beating yourself up because you cannot do everything for everyone else is simply ridiculous.  My mother has told me plenty of times, "the best way to please others is to please God."  (Galations 1:10).

3.  Accept yourself.  
In high school, I was among the palest girls in my class.  My wardrobe was less-than glamorous.  Words were constantly failing me, and awkward could have substituted as my middle name.  Needless to say, I was not exactly content with who I was.  Fast forward a year later:  I'm still pale.  Name-brand clothes have yet to be placed in my closet.  My mind still goes blank when I'm searching for the right things to say, and to this day, I'm a walking awkward moment.  The difference?  I'm all right with it now, and I have to admit, life is much more enjoyable that way.  (Psalm 139:14)  However...

4.  If there's something you need to change, then change.  
In 2 Kings, immediately when he heard the Book of the Law, King Josiah tore his clothes and instituted major changes in Judah when he realized just how far away from God's commands that the nation had become.  He didn't wait.  There was no, "I'll take care of this in a week, and this in a month, because I'm just so swamped with being the king and all right now."  No--he saw what needed to be done, and he took steps to correct a nation.  What keeps us from doing the same? (2 Kings 22).


5.  Take a chance.
No matter how bad you've been hurt, or how sure you are that something is not going to turn out exactly as you wish it would, take a chance.  Go on a date.  Apply for a job.  Say yes to something slightly outrageous (but don't get too crazy).  Talk to someone about something you normally wouldn't.  Try something new, and see just how far the Lord takes you.  (Matthew 19:26).

The End of the Longest June

Last semester, one of the greatest roommates of all time told me that she absolutely had to tell me what she had realized during her "God Time" the day before.  Time slipped away from both of us as she told me all about the story of Esther and how a light bulb went off in her head as she finished the chapter.

I won't summarize it.  The fine details are what make this story so miraculous, in my opinion.  I will let you in on a pretty amazing little fact about the book:  it doesn't mention "God" anywhere, but God's fingerprints are all over the events.  When Melissa (my roommate) had finished giving me her version of the book, she brightened up and  happily stated, "God is just in control of everything!"

Minute details of our lives--intricate fibers of days which felt like they were nothing more than time passing by--are used by the Lord in amazing ways.  As Melissa put it, "Throughout the book, they don't mention God, but he's all over it!  So when I look back at my life, even the times when I didn't see Him, I can finally see how He used those times to bring me where I am now..."

"And we know God makes all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:28

If that doesn't brighten your spirits, I don't know what will.  I keep looking back over the past month (which has not exactly been the best of times) and I see the value in the events that took place.  Every decision made, every argument I was a part of, every tear I might have cried, and every person I spoke to have all played major roles in every change that took place in me, and that's just in the past month.  I've had a grand total of 227 of those, and the Lord carefully placed certain people and things in my life to help me get to where I am.  All of the heartaches, the laughs, the griefs, the smiles--God really did use them for the good.  I'm not saying I'm right where I'm supposed to be, Reader, but none of the positive aspects of my life would be there were it not for the jigsaw pieces of my past being put together by the Lord Almighty.

I know you didn't ask for it, but I'm going to give you one of those tiny puzzle pieces.  When I initially came to college, I was fairly new to the idea of a support system.  In a previous post, I talked about the many steps that led me to the front doors of Second Baptist Church, and how if only one of those events hadn't taken place, there was no guarantee that I would have ever showed up that Sunday morning last September.  Throughout the year, I grew in my faith more than I've ever grown, and a great deal of that growth was due to the immense amount of support and encouragement I found in the people of that church.  Had I not found a more solid foundation in my faith, I'm honestly not too sure how this past month would have ended up.  I can say with the utmost honesty that I highly doubt that I would be able to write this and still be able to smile about pretty much anything.

Let me clarify one simple fact:  I am not a victim of circumstances.  I truly do see the value in everything that took place, and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I am blessed beyond measure in unimaginable ways despite a couple of "oh woe is me" nights.  

I just couldn't keep that one to myself.  God's in control, and thank goodness I'm not.  

On a much more random note, I absolutely love quotes, and I love them even more with a picture in the background, so bear with them, because I feel like they're going to become a pretty regular feature of these posts.

Five Lessons

I asked a saleswoman a rather strange question a couple of weeks back.

"Ma'am, I know this is a weird question, but if you had to give one piece of advice to a person coming up in the world, what would it be?"

Behind her thick-rimmed glasses, I could see her eyeing me, skeptical of the girl who just asked what had obviously not been asked to her before.  When she realized that I was completely serious about my search for her answer, she smiled and politely said, "Know the life you want to live, and take the steps to reach that life."  She leaned in close and added, "So make sure you get an education."  

Luckily for me, life is a pretty good professor.  

1.  You need two showers a day:  one to clean your body, and the other to clean your soul.  

I'm not talking about two legitimate "kill the whales" showers.  I'm talking about taking the time to sit back and think about what you're doing right in this life, and what you're doing wrong, then taking steps to correct those mistakes.  (Romans 8:27)

2.  When you find yourself dragging your feet through a routine, do something different.  
I take a bike ride every morning.  Same distance, same time, same playlist, same route, same undeniable feeling that one more mile on that silly metal contraption will most definitely result in an unfortunate death.  One morning, however, it was raining.  I am not sure what compelled me to do it, but I ditched the bike and took a walk in the rain, and it was just the change I needed.  It seems that I had  forgotten how beautiful the scenery is when you take the time to slow down and appreciate it.  (2 Corinthians 5:17)

3.  Never let an argument become more important than another person.
When we let the desire to "win" an argument become the chief concern, we forget the well being of others.  I'm not saying that you always have to just surrender the victory of a disagreement, but sometimes it's the right thing to do.  (Proverbs 15:4)

4.  Home is more than a place.  
I'm about to sound a little bit crazy, Reader, but I promise the only disease I have is a chronic case of homesickness.  I've been seeing people from my college town in my hometown.  I know it's not really them, but I always have to take a second glance just to make sure.  Whether it's the guy who I always saw at the gym, or last semester's lab partner, or random people from my church up there, they're always in the back of my mind.  I miss them.  I miss home.  (Proverbs 27:8-9)

5.  Remember the good.
There will be friends who walk in and out of your life.  It's your choice whether to remember the silly inside jokes you shared, or to dwell on the fact that things aren't the way they used to be, and I can say from experience that life is much more enjoyable when you can look back on memories and laugh rather than cry.  (Philippians 4:8) 

My Age Doesn't Make Me Superman

Hi, Reader

If you knew how many drafts I've made of this single post, you'd probably advise me see a therapist.  In all sincerity, however, a lot has happened in this past week, and summing it all up feels like I'm not giving justice to the bitter truth of what I've learned.  It's so difficult for me to fully grasp the idea that every single person I meet live a life as complex as I do.  Sure, that's a pretty easy sentence to say, but to honestly sit here and know that every pair of eyes that accidentally stumbles upon these words has cried, laughed, sung, bruised a knee, and just needed a hug seems like such a foreign idea.  I suppose that's why they call it a "self-serving bias."
Regardless, that reality has struck a chord pretty close to home in the past few days.

First off, long story short, a guy that I used to be friends with was in a pretty bad wreck when he was running from the police.  He kind of used to be my best friend, and although we hardly speak anymore, I can say without hesitation that I would not be who I am today were it not for him.  It's hard to believe that he did something like that.  I can't imagine what his family is going through.  I will not go into details (it's not exactly my place) but I will tell you that they have faced a difficult year.

About four days later, I got word of the death of a classmate of mine.  I saw him in the hallways, said "Hi" sometimes, and became pretty familiar with his antics during class.  I'm not saying I was good friends with him, or anything like that, but he was there.  I've walked the same halls he did.  I've driven the same roads he's driven.  I've talked to the same people he's talked to.  I've probably laughed at some of the same teachers as he did.  So what makes me so lucky?  Why do I still have today?

My point is simply this:  the world kept spinning.  It didn't stop.  One mother had to watch as police officers arrested her son, and a group of some of the toughest guys I've ever met have cried over the loss of their friend.  Still, the world didn't flinch.  I've felt the pain of heart-dropping news, and yet despite the sudden lack of a concept of time, the second hand on my watch didn't miss a single tick.  It's at times like that when I find comfort in the fact that Jesus continually reminds us that he is not of this world--this world which will not sympathize, or care.

When Jesus was telling the disciples that he was going to have to leave them (first to be crucified, and then to be taken to Heaven a little later after he was risen), He told them...

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.  John 14:27


How amazing is that.  "Not as the world gives do I give to you."  From my own experience (which may or may not be your own, so interpret this as you wish) the world is a pretty sucky giver.  There have been times in my life in which I can assure you that I was dealt a bad hand, but in the midst of these struggles, the Lord remains one of the only assurances I have.   We all need that solid rock.

Move Along

I cleaned my room today.  That makes me sound like I'm a six-year-old, I know, but that was my major accomplishment today.  When I came back from college, my dorm threw up in my room, and it has been an intimidating feat for the past month or so...in fact, it was so overwhelming, I haven't touched it until today.  (Cue the stunned gasp)

So, as I was fumbling through the little knickknacks, I stumbled upon several things that I suppose you could say I had "hidden" in my room.  Stuffed animals given to me by friends who for one reason or another I no longer talk to were buried under random throw blankets.  A broken glass butterfly that a friend had given me in 4th grade was placed in a box, which was thrown into a basket, and then covered with other pieces of jewelry--I guess I had felt bad about accidentally breaking it.  Probably the most heart-wrenching was a crumbled piece of paper with a poem written on it from an ex-boyfriend, which I had tucked away in the back corner of a cupboard after the breakup years ago.  There were so many tiny little things that I hid away so that I could pretend it wasn't real--like it never really happened.  If I didn't see them, maybe I wouldn't be reminded of their existence.  Erase a couple of memories.  No biggie.  Until you start cleaning them out.

I spent the better half of two hours finding these little material-based memories and reliving what I had tucked away.  Yeah, yeah, now I sound more like a Stephen King novel than a six-year-old, but bear with me:  how many times do we dwell on the past?  I mean, it's toxic!  We hold on like we're sinking in quicksand, and there's the convenient vine right there in arm's reach, pretending to be our saving grace.  It's not until we let go that we realize the quicksand was nothing more than a sandbox.

Thus saith Sara:  God gave us the ability to remember, so that we would not forget the lessons we learn from the experiences we face.  He gave us the ability to learn from those experiences so that we could move on with our lives.  When we let our past define, demoralize, and dictate us (alliteration is underrated), we are placing a box around God, saying, "You're not enough, Lord."  If anything, a past full of regrets and memories we would rather throw away should be shouting, "I'm not enough without You, Lord."

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.  Hebrews 12:1-2

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

Isaiah 43:18-19

I am confident that the same God who was able to completely change the life of Paul--a man with a past full of killing Christians--and who was willing to deliver a land with a track record of turning their back on the Him time and time again, can (and will) do the same in anyone who is willing to turn to Christ.  

So, I now have a box full of memories which will be sold in the next garage sale.  It's not that I want to forget the past, but that I have simply taken from these experiences all that I can, and now it's time to give it up and move along.  

Would You Take My Advice If I Gave It?

This past week has been full of tiny little life lessons wrapped in inconspicuous everyday routines.  Yes, I'll admit, I probably over-analyze everything, but you have to admit there's a bit of truth in some of these.  

1.  If you ever need an ego boost, babysit.  I walked into the kids' house with frizzy hair, a faded old t-shirt, chipped nails, circles under my eyes, and barely any makeup.  Oversleeping does no favors for my appearance in the mornings.  I'm still amazed at the absolute joy that can be brought about two children no older than six.  One of the kids seriously just showered me with compliments the whole day.  "Your hair is sooo pretty!"  "I really like your nails!"  "I just love you!"  All I had to do to hear any of this was show up at their house.  I didn't buy them a gift, or make them an extravagant lunch, or take them to a theme park.  I just showed up, and that was enough.  (Luke 18:15-17)

2.  Sometimes, you have to let go of a good thing so that something better can bloom.  I love hibiscus flowers, but I've only recently gotten into actually trying to keep flowers around the house alive.  My mom and I planted some about a week ago, and when I went out the other day, I noticed that some of the beautiful blooms on them had withered.  Initially, I was so frustrated that I could not keep this silly plant alive, but my mom simply pulled the faded flower off of its stem.  What was she thinking!?  Surely there was a way to revive the flower!  When she saw my expression, she was quick to explain, "That's how they live.  The flower blooms, shrivels, falls, and then a new one grows."  (Philippians 3:12-14) 

3.  Listen to people.  They need it as much as you do.  My grandfather had a doctor's appointment in Little Rock the other day, and neither he nor my grandmother are extremely safe drivers anymore.  Now, I've had a fender-bender (or two...) and my fair share of close calls, but for some reason, my family decided that I should be the designated driver.  I can't say I was extremely optimistic about the two-hour drive, but almost immediately, my grandmother began chatting away.  She told me about the hardships of her life and the joys that came with it.  One in particular was the fall of her first marriage.  She had married young, and after her son was born with CP, her husband cheated, became an alcoholic, and divorced her.  A few years (and a couple of tears) later, she met a man named Jim, and she had "a good twenty years with him, before he died."  About six years ago, she married my grandfather, who goes with her to visit her son in the nursing home almost daily.  She doesn't get to tell her story to very many people, but here she was, opening up to an eighteen-year-old step-granddaughter.  It's definitely a humbling realization.  (Galations 6:2)

4.  A smile is a glorious thing.  Ever have one of those downright crappy days?  And then you smile at someone?  And they smile back (because smiles are contagious, you know)?  And that makes you smile a real smile, because the contagiousness of your smile hit them, and bounced right back to you?  And then you actually feel like there is a single sliver of hope that maybe your life isn't near a bad as it had been only a few moments before that smile?  Yeah, it's kind of like that.  =]   (Proverbs 15:13)

5.  Never underestimate the power of a kind word.  Your mother said it, your grandmother said it, even your great aunt said it.  Now, I'm saying it.  Be nice.  I had a drink with a friend after church (don't worry; it was a sweet tea).  We got on the subject of how others influence us, and one of the things he told me was that the daily "Hi!  How are you?" that he received in high school was what kept him going through his parents' divorce.  That simple interaction made all the difference.  (Proverbs 15:1)

Have a blessed day!

Is It Bad That I Can't Come Up With A Title?

Thank goodness for good friends and comfort food.  At the beginning of the summer, a couple of friends from high school (Joshua and Laney) and I stumbled upon the topic of our faith, and the worries we had about leaving our college-town churches to return back to our hometown for the next three months.  It was a pretty big step for all of us to leave the comfort of the churches we had all become accustomed to here and find new ones at school, but I can definitely attest to the fact that the time I've spent in Conway has both challenged and strengthened my walk with Christ.  My first year in college has proven to be totally and completely different from my life back here, and to go into detail would require a novel (which, judging by my newfound lack of word conservation, just might be possible).

Anyhoo, one night, we all met up at our high school football field.  Walking around the track, we began talking about the churches and bible studies we had been parts of in college, and it became pretty clear that a necessary part of our lives was that fellowship with other believers--not a mandatory and regulated gathering of others, but a voluntary and driven time devoted to getting a deeper understanding of the wonders of God.  So, we decided to have our own.  I can say without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord blessed me with these two amazing people.

You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you how many times we had to take this picture!

On the track that night, we decided to read David Platt's Radical.  

A Bible study?  Good.  A Bible study with S'more cookie bars?  Even better.  =]

A specific paragraph in Radical kept echoing in my mind throughout the week: 

"'Wake up.'  Wake up and realize that there are infinitely more important things in your life than football and a 401(k).  Wake up and realize there are real battles to be fought, so different from the superficial meaningless "battles" you focus on.  Wake up to the countless multitudes who are currently destined for a Christless eternity."

Perhaps everyone who knows me will be willing to tell you that I am a klutz, and the last time I decided it would be a good idea to do some yard work, I was reminded of my horrid inability to avoid hurting myself.  When trying to dig up a tree, I drove a shovel right into my toe.  I have no luck with aim, apparently.  For at least the next seventy-two seconds, my toe was the most important thing in my world.  I have to wonder how often I let other little things in my life become the big "battles" I face, simply because they're all I focus on.  

I have wrestled with the monster that is my wardrobe.  I've run from the difficulties of a GPA.  I've been involved in a warfare of sorts with the inability to get into a silly chemistry class.  In the grand scheme of things, what does it matter?  When I stand before God, will He seriously look at me and say, "That GPA was definitely more important than reaching out to others."  Don't get me wrong--I don't think good grades are the enemy, but letting my perspective be twisted and manipulated into a false reality that tells me my little problems are actually huge crises is not doing me or the rest of the world any justice.  

Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.” But as it is, you boast in your arrogance; all such boasting is evil. Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin.

James 4:14-17

I Stand Amazed

I was spontaneous.  I'm hardly ever spontaneous, but this time, I was.  Last year, I discovered that I have a love for driving around until I'm lost and then finding my way back again.  On one of these little adventures, I found a river down a winding gravel road back in the country.  I'm not sure what compelled me to continue driving (especially when I saw the "Dangerous Bridge" sign), but I was not deterred.  I finally came around a narrow curve which led me to a huge clearing, and there it was:  a river.  

So, spontaneity replaced my sanity and I took a trip to the river yesterday.  

 I wish a camera could compare to the just how glorious this view is, but I suppose if that were the case, then there would be no point in physically going somewhere to experience it--which I highly recommend.

I was alone at the river.  Don't misinterpret that, Reader--the solitude didn't bother me.  Actually, I was pretty thankful for it.  How often do we really escape all of the rush of the day and just stand amazed in the gift of the present moment?  How often do we put aside the products of the past and the worries of the future and really absorb the miracle that is a single second of life?  

Often, it's easy to praise God for the big things.  It's easy to witness the healing of a cancer patient and know that God is great.  It's easy to take a hike and be taken aback by all of the beauty of His creation.  It's difficult, sometimes, to give credit where credit is due in the smaller areas of our lives, but then I think back to Elijah in 1 Kings.  He was running for his life, because after Jezebel threatened to kill him for killing all of the prophets of a false god.  He ended up in the wilderness, praying that God would take his life.  Elijah felt scared, and alone, and after an angel gave him food and water, he went to a cave, where God told him to go climb a mountain.  On this mountain, Elijah faced a forceful wind, a great earthquake, and an intense fire, but the Lord was not in any of these.  Instead, the presence of the Lord came not in an incredible sight, but in a gentle whisper (1 Kings 19).

Yes, God is mighty, powerful, and amazing, but He is also a caring God.  He gives us what we need--not just what we want.  Now this is Thus Saith Sara:  I think Elijah needed something comparable to a "hug."  He was terrified for his life, exhausted after running for about 40 days without food or water, and I can only imagine how lonely I would feel after being my own company for that long.  So instead of using a powerful roar to talk to Elijah, God showed Himself in a whisper--a gentle reminder that He cared, and that was enough.  

Sorry for how long-winded I've been in these posts lately, but I just couldn't keep that last part to myself.  I'm still in awe at all of the whispers in my own life.  Whether that whisper comes in the form of a firefly, or the peace of a drive to nowhere, I simply want to continue listening for them.  

I realized something else kind of spectacular today.  Summer is amazing.  It provides the perfect opportunity for us to get a nice dose of Vitamin D, gives us an excuse to drink sweet tea in abnormally great quantities, and it brings out some of the most remarkable flowers.

Hibiscus are one of my favorites!

Have an amazing day!

If Words Could Describe It

It comes and goes in waves--that feeling of "eugh...can today just end already?"  In the midst of one of those silly little waves, last night, I was staring out of the dining room window.  It was a dark, depressing view, and it went perfect with the bitter brew of tea I was sipping on.  Bleak, I know.  As I thought about all of the less-than-glorious things going on, I saw a single flash through the glass.  A neon spark that cut through the night.  There and gone again.  As I glared through the window, searching out what the spark was, it lit up again, for only a moment.  Few things in this world can make nostalgia wash over you like a single firefly.  For the next little bit, I simply waited for the periodic flash of the little bug, and the wave kindly slipped away.  No matter how many times the firefly's spark went out, it was sure to come back again and shine like a tiny beacon.  As a little girl, I remember catching them and keeping them in my room at night, never forgetting to let them go again in the morning.  For any PETA lovers out there, don't worry.  I did not catch this one.  Instead, I smiled, knowing that if God could keep His eye on this tiny creature, then I was surely not exempt.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again, I will say REJOICE!

Philippians 4:4

That's a sweet little verse.  Paul has a way of stepping on your toes sometimes, but he seems to incorporate a perfect mix of toe-stomping and hope in these words.  "Rejoice in the Lord"...  Yeah, that makes sense.  All right, next lesson.  Did you notice, though, that Paul doesn't let the readers of this letter off the hook that easy?    "...always."  Don't you just sorta kinda think that maybe the original recipient of this letter sighed a little "yeah right" as soon as he read that word?  "always"  It's a hard pill to swallow, and Paul knew it.  Why else would he have felt the need to go back over the concept?  "Again, I will say rejoice!"  

Reader, I will readily assure you that I have questioned a great big HOW to this verse several times in my life.  I suppose this is where Girls' Camp paid off.  There was a cute little song that we sang one year, with a catchy little tune that has been stuck in my head for the past couple of hours (For a good book recommendation, I'll sing it for you sometime).  The chorus went:

Well, the fruit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self controoollll!!!  

Love joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-controlllll....

Sound familiar?  Galatians 5:22-23.  So all of these qualities are the fruit of the Spirit--the gift from God to His children, providing us with his constant presence and guidance.  That is how we rejoice.  

Happiness?  It's temporary.  Joy?  Now, that's here to stay.  The Holy Spirit doesn't flee from us in difficult times, and it is in this knowledge that we have confidence in the God of our salvation.  

I have stared out of that window for a great portion of today (productivity?  I think not).  I wasn't looking in to a dark abyss, but an absolutely beautiful Wednesday.  Don't get me wrong--I've felt those waves come and go today.  They are not waves of anger, or resentment, or rage, but waves of discomfort, like standing at a fork in the road and not knowing where to turn.  But as surely as the waves come, they pass, and in that hope, I find joy.  In the simplicity of a conversation with good friends, I find joy.  In the warmth of a good cup of coffee, I find joy.  In the unconditional love of a little sister, I find joy.  And it's with this endless flow of joy that all of us can rejoice.