Reader, there is no greater feeling than sitting in one's car, buckled in, engine off, radio silent, watching the world around you continue moving while you are staying perfectly still--careful not to even blink too violently. It's like being totally separated for a second. You're encased in a shell of glass, metal, and cheap metal look-alikes, while the big bad world outside of your front window continues to prosper. There is legitimately something so compelling about being the polar opposite of your surroundings that we often fear the actual act of doing it!
Well, I do apologize for the nonsensical paragraph above. I am not under the impression that sitting in a car is a very rewarding experience to most people, so I will not dwell on it any longer. I have larger matters to attend to.
I have not seen my house in over two months. This is the longest I have ever been away from home, and to be quite honest, I am yet to be homesick. Perhaps it is the newfound church family, or my own pride that keeps me away. Either way, I'm not going home soon, and the realization that I--the used-to-be co-dependent, indecisive, fearful teenager--can live on my own is beginning to frighten me. I guess I still haven't shrugged off the fearful teenager part.
No, Reader, I truly have yet to rid myself of the anxieties that I make up in my head. Oh, don't look at the computer screen like that. You do it to, and you cannot lie to me and tell me that you don't make things up and believe them, too. Need examples? Have you ever convinced yourself that someone was mad at you? Ever formulated a scenario in your head that wouldn't go away? Ah ha! (I've always wanted to use that interjection...) So I am not crazy after all! Reader, do not think that I am sitting in this dorm room hoping to point out your flaws and complain about mine. That has never nor will ever be the intention.
Why do we do this--torment ourselves with thoughts? Have we no faith that no matter what it is that happens, we will be brought through?
Among the most dangerous things I have ever encountered, the most frightful is an unguarded, uncensored thought.
Alas, I digress. Enjoy the day, Reader.
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