I Aspire to Become a Lifetime Movie

Hello, Reader!

If I were a Lifetime movie, I would begin this post with "I had a boyfriend," and then I would proceed to talk about how I was done so wrong, and had done nothing to deserve such.  I would exaggerate the truth for the sole purpose of making the audience side with me, over the horrible antagonist of the story.  The actress who would have the role of myself would then lounge around her house in overly cute comfy clothes, after the extremely dramatic breakup scene, and there would be a brief sad song playing in the background  as the world outside of her window turns from winter to spring to summer, to fall, and back again.  Next, she would "find herself" (whatever that is supposed to mean), meet the man of her dreams, and the movie would close with some overly-corny love song that I can't come up with at the present moment.  Of course, there would be the interjections of humorous awkwardness, and a couple of wardrobe malfunctions, but nothing that could make it R-rated.  However, I am NOT a Lifetime movie.  Instead, I will start this post (or rather, continue this post) with this:

I am my own antagonist.  Yeah, I had a boyfriend, and sure, there was a breakup--story of the lives of millions across the globe--but I will not condemn another for my shortcomings.  We were not compatible, so the relationship ended, and this is where the surfacing of my anti-hero character comes into the pages of this chapter of my life.  That part of myself began to chime in on every single action I took.  I walked left, and I heard "You shoulda gone right."  Nothing was right.

So, here I am, over a year after my antagonist was written, and I still find myself unable to write an end to that character.  To be just plain blunt about it, I am sabotaging myself.  When something "good" happens to me, I run from it--not because I am just so heartbroken, or scarred, or the victim, because I am not.  I run because my antagonist so thoroughly enjoys telling me that I am NOT worthy of anything good.  No no, this is not an "oh woe is me" moment!  This is a moment of pure enlightenment!  Ever hear of self-fulfilling prophesy?  Here it is, manifested in a college freshman's life, and typed out (rather crudely) in a blog.    "Nothing good can happen to me," and so it does not, until I realize that that voice is holding me hostage from all things glorious.

Now, Reader, this is not some story-type blog.  This is a genuine question. In your life, who is the antagonist?

Well, this is a new day, and even if I feel as though the world is crashing down on me, I know who my antagonist is.  It's just time to hand over the keyboard/pen/quill to my Lord.  While I write tragedies, He completes the masterpieces.

God Bless, and have a great life.