I have been faced with a very harsh reality. I got a text the other day, telling me to have a passage of Scripture and what God is doing in my life, and to be prepared to share that at worship. I will not lie--my heart dropped a little when I read that. It was more than merely the fear of speaking in front of a group of college students. No, the real terror came from realizing that I didn't actually know what God had been doing. Over the past several months, I feel as though my life has been shattered (dramatic much?). Things I once thought to be firm and steady are now showing themselves to be nothing more than vapors in the wind. Friendships I once thought were indestructible have proven to be facades. Relationships among others have turned out to be secrets of magic tricks--one fine illusion, I must say.
I feel as though I cannot even trust my own thoughts anymore, being so tainted with these falsities. It is as though everything around me is crumbling, and all I want to do is find solid ground. So what on earth has God been doing in my life? To be honest, I was almost angry at the fact that there was no grand neon light sign beaming through the hazy night, proclaiming, "THIS is the work of the Lord!!" What could the Lord possibly be doing in my mess of a life right now?
I did the only thing I know to do when I can't see a clear answer; I went for a drive.
WARNING!
All right, so I am about to sound extremely dramatic. Some might even think I'm auditioning for a Lifetime movie. Either way, I'm taking advantage of my annoying teenager-worthy moment.
It seemed as though every twist and turn of every street I drove sent a new flood of thoughts over me. I began to think of all of the people who have walked out of my life over the past few months, and all of the apologies I've felt obligated to deliver. I remembered the pain in the voice of a friend telling me that she was so unhappy in her marriage--a marriage that I once believed would last a lifetime. Thoughts of my family and of the problems that have existed for decades that I have only recently begun to see for myself engulfed my mind. All of the things I once held on to as constants in my life have all been sinking sand, and here I am feeling completely uprooted.
So I think I have gotten all of the dramatic stuff taken care of. Thanks for hanging in there.
A song that has been drilled into my brain all of my childhood ran over my mind, and try as I might, I could not get it out of my head. The chorus ends with, "On Christ the solid rock, I stand; all other ground is sinking sand..." It hit me like a sack of bricks (which is ever-so-slightly dangerous when you're driving, I should say). I have been doing everything I could to hold on to the things of this world--trying to call them constant when it has been told to me several times throughout my life that resting on anything but the Savior will ultimately lead to disappointment.
I feel that it is necessary that I clarify one teensy little detail. I am not saying that it is not good to ask others for help, nor am I saying that it is a bad thing if you call a friend when something unfortunate happens. I mean, even Galations 6:2 says that we should "Carry one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ."
What I'm saying is that our anchors cannot be our friends. It cannot be our families, or a relationship, or a material possession. If you want to be rooted to something that isn't going to fail you, it's got to be the Lord. All other ground is sinking sand.
So that's what God has been doing in my life. He has been showing me His ever-present glory.
"Therefore thus says the Lord GOD, "Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone, a tested stone, A costly cornerstone for the foundation, firmly placed. He who believes in it will not be disturbed." Isaiah 28:16
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